Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
