If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
