Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
