So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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