kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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