My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
