please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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