Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
