i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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