I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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