I cannot find my penis.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
