When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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