its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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