Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
