we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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