i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
