yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
