also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
