ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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