My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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