We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
