Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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