So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
