uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
