I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
