I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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