the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
