she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
