if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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