True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
