I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
