I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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