1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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