she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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