the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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