chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
