This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
