i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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