I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
