She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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