you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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