im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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