Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
