he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
