Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
