i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
