Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
