I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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