My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
