Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
meet me or not, i'm out of control
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize