please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
