omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
