remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
