Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
