Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize