...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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