My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
