Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
