Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
