Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize