My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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