Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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