i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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