Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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