I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
