have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
