when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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