Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
