this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
