So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
