I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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