id be glad to
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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