he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
