Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
