matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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