Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
