dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
