So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
